Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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