Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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