I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
