She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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