i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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