At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
