My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
