your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
