I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
