when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
