i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
