I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
