yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
