And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
