these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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