I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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