I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
