...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Don't make out with my wife yet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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