if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
