Redeem this text for a blowjob
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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