Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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