People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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