CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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