Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
