I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
