Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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