How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
