the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
