dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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