So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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