Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
