When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Randomize
