how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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