i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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