Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
