I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
