Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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