very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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