Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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