Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize