I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize