I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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