Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
