At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
