Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
