I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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