never play flip cup with pint glasses
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
