just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
