i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Let's get the cat blown out
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
