It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
