Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
