WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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