a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
