i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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