IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Even my vagina gasped.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize