RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
