She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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