Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
