what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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