Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
